When I was pregnant for the first time, I naively told myself that waking up several times a night to pee was preparing me for the sleep deprivation I’d experience when caring for a newborn. Ha! There was no way I could have been prepared not only for the significant 24/7 needs the tiny person would require, but also for the anxiety I would experience that prevented me from sleeping when my baby was sleeping. I think that was the most difficult part of becoming a new parent. When I look back on those days, honestly, it is often difficult to tap into the joy of learning about the new person in my life because I felt so compromised.
I did a lot of reading, talking, and experimenting (safely) with ways to help my daughter sleep without needing to be held all the time. We landed in a good place and I can say that she became a great sleeper within her first year. This experience, though, shaped who I would become as a lactation consultant and subsequently, led me to get an additional certification in Sleep Consulting so I could offer mindful advice to the families I serve in my practice.
Knowing first-hand what it feels like to walk around in emotional and nearly physical pain due to sleep deprivation, I completely sympathize with the families I work with. I genuinely want them to find a comfortable and effective solution to help them get some rest. There are so many programs, specialists, and products out there meant to support families in their efforts. There are definitely those that are more effective and those that are more supportive of breastfeeding/milk supply than others. And some are safer than others too.
With commiseration, I have to share a recent item coming across my desk, especially since I see these in nearly 80% of the homes I am invited into these days. DockATots have been identified as problematic with several tragic incidents reported. I want all of my clients to have as much information as possible when it comes to making choices for their families. adensmom.com wrote a detailed post on the topic, so if you can handle a few pop-up ads, you might find it informative.
Now for the good news. Naps on parents in the early days are supportive of getting babies to sleep longer away from the body as they grow. For the first 3 months of life, babies are still “fetal” and prefer to be held near a heartbeat and warmth to help regulate their states. So many families tell me that their baby will sleep for 3 hours in their arms, while they will wake after just 30 minutes when placed on their backs in their bassinet or crib. If you can find a way to safely wear your baby in an approved, safe-baby carrier for a few naps a day, you might feel a little more body autonomy and find that the baby is willing to sleep separate from your for a longer stretch during the times it would be most beneficial to you (overnight!).
Given babies do not have the foundation to begin to determine between cause and effect until 4 - 6 months of age, you don't have to worry that you are creating bad habits by letting them sleep this way. (Please feel free to repeat this statement to any well-meaning family member telling you that you are spoiling your baby by holding them so much!) By allowing babies to get the physical contact they need in the early days, you are also helping build secure attachment.
I encourage families to reach out to me if they have questions regarding any of this and I can share the unique perspective of a lactation consultant who does have additional infant sleep training certification, a combination rarely found in the postpartum space.